But in my dream last night, I was picking them up at his apartment building, which was for some reason a tall and uberswank place. I was about to go up to the fourth floor, which was his, when I got a phone call from him who told me in a hushed and intense voice to instead go to the top floor and ask for Helmut Mercenary. (This was a legitimate name in the dream.)

So I go to the top floor, which happens to be a roof deck, and I ask the first guy I see for Helmut, before stopping mid-sentence because behind him a crane is dangling what looks like a giant fossilized T-Rex skeleton, except with big gnarly horns coming out of its skull. I ask, holy shit, is that a dinosaur? and the guy explains sheepishly, Close, but it’s actually a demon. They used to roam the world.

Then something hisses and screeches and rushes at me but before I know it Harrison Ford jumps out in something a little less dapper than his Indiana Jones garb and slays whatever it was, and I realize that Helmut Mercenary was a movie from the early eighties starring Harrison Ford about a guy who saved the planet from the forces of the underworld and everything makes sense, and wait, no it didn’t, no it doesn’t, that movie never existed, so I wake up.